


i had to listen just to find you

by theartificialvixen



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Imagine Me And You AU, Lesbian AU, florist Katya, married Trixie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 09:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17041445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theartificialvixen/pseuds/theartificialvixen
Summary: Lesbian AU loosely based on Imagine Me & You. Katya is a florist at Trixie's wedding.





	i had to listen just to find you

**Author's Note:**

> So this is based on the film Imagine Me & You. I did change the ending purely because I wanted it to be a little different from the film.
> 
> The "I'm ecstatic" line is from the film, no credit to me.

_Lilies. Roses. Orchids._

The decision seemed so frivolous as Trixie stood at the start of the aisle, her father by her side. What part did flowers play in the biggest moment of her life? She clutched at the bouquet, her heart beating in time with her steps. She smiled at the guests as she walked, a happy, watery smile as she looked ahead. Christopher had his back to her, but she could tell he was as nervous as she was.

The aisle seemed to grow as she walked down it. She looked to the right of her, her eyes meeting with another. Time stopped, just for a second, as the blonde paused, before walking away. Trixie quelled the urge to look back, a faint fluttering in her stomach.

The wedding went without a hitch, and by nightfall Trixie found herself by the bar, nursing a vodka and tonic. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. Her feet ached, both from the heels and the fact she had to walk around to greet people she barely knew. She didn’t want a big wedding but her mother had insisted, and how could Trixie say no to her mother’s pleading eyes and her “but it’s your _wedding_.”

The dance floor was full, cheesy pop blaring from the large speaker as strobe lights shone in every direction. Christopher was at their table, gesturing excitedly to his best friend Willam. They were probably talking about motorcycles or whatever bridesmaid Willam had laid his eyes on. Trixie moved to the buffet table, sighing at the scraps that were left.

“Go figures,” she muttered, moving to the side of the table. Looking down she fiddled with her wedding ring. She had met Christopher at university three years ago through a mutual friend. They didn’t have much in common, both would readily admit to that, but there was something there. Maybe she didn’t get his motorcycle obsession, and he didn’t understand why she loved country music so much, but they worked. He was nice, and he treated her right. That was all she needed; she didn’t need fireworks - she needed stability. A shuffling next to her interrupted her train of thought and she looked to her right.

“Sorry, did I hit you?” the woman asked. It was her, the mysterious blonde. Carrying a vase of flowers, she smiled at Trixie.

“No, no, I was just lost in thought,” Trixie answered, shaking her head slightly. Pressing her lips together, she wrapped her finger around her ring. The woman was wearing a men’s jumper, knew this from the way the navy blue fabric bunched up around thin wrists.  Chin length blonde hair was tucked around her ear, a thin earring around the lobe. She was beautiful.

“Your wedding was beautiful, I’m really happy that the flowers looked so good in here,” she commented.

Trixie nodded, “Oh! You’re the florist? Hi, I’m Trixie,” she said, holding out her hand. The woman put down the vase onto the table and shook her hand, her skin soft under Trixie’s touch. Her fingers grazed the back of Trixie’s hand as they pulled back, and the hairs on Trixie’s arm stood up.

“Katya. I don’t think we met, was it your -?”

“Mother that dealt with it all? Aha, yes,” Trixie replied, her chuckle only slightly bitter. Katya nodded in understanding.

“I get you. My mom is the same,” Katya said. They smiled at each other, and Trixie took another look at the woman before her. Her face was open and friendly, light brown freckles scattered across her cheekbones.

“So Katya, is that Russian?” Trixie asked.

Katya nodded, “Yeah, my mom’s Russian, but I’m from Boston. And Trixie -?”

“Was bullied,” Trixie deadpanned causing a gasp-cum-cackle from the other woman. A flush formed over Trixie’s cheeks as she watched Katya laugh, and she couldn’t resist a chuckle herself.

Katya chuckled again, “I better get clearing up, I don’t want anyone stealing my vases. It was nice to meet you.”

Sadness moved over Trixie, she didn’t want Katya to leave, she wanted to learn more, so much more.

“You too. And thank you, for this,” she said, gesturing around the room.

Katya shook her head, picking up the vase again. “It was my pleasure, really.” Trixie’s eyes followed as Katya walked around the dancefloor, stopping halfway and turning back towards her. She looked in confusion as Katya made her way back to her.

“You look beautiful by the way. Forgot to say that,” Katya said, smiling.

“Thank you,” Trixie almost whispered, smiling back at her. Her stomach did flips as Katya departed, her wedding ring burnt hot around her finger. She was a married woman now, she wasn’t meant to get butterflies for anyone else but her husband. Her husband was still at their table, though he looked a little more worse for wear, beer bottle in one hand, the other holding onto Willam’s shoulder as they sang. Smiling at the scene, she walked over to enjoy the rest of the night.

\-----

Trixie’s heart quickened as she walked round the corner to the flower shop. It had been five days since her wedding, and Christopher suggested that Trixie befriend Katya. As he put it, she didn’t have many female friends, or many friends at all really. She was an introvert that masqueraded as an extrovert when needed, but at the end of the day all she wanted to do was watch crime documentaries and eat cookies.

The building was plain white, the name _All Flowered Up_ written on the front in black, handwritten font. The shop front was covered in an array of flowers. From small potted plants to large, ornate bouquets, the colours were beautiful. Trixie stopped and bent down, smelling a small bouquet of roses. There were two large trees at the doorway, curving to meet at the top and make an arch.

Katya was on the phone when Trixie walked in, the cellphone pressed to her ear as she scribbled into a notepad. The urge to walk right back out again was tempting. She could never see Katya again and get back to her normal life, get back to being a wife. Katya looked up as Trixie took a step nearer, her face lighting up as she held up one finger. Trixie nodded, and moved nearer the till, her eyes moving around every inch of the room. Flowers were everywhere, organised in colours; red roses, pink carnations, lavender.

There was a polaroid next to the till of Katya with her arms outstretched in the shop, nothing there but the walls. Her hair was longer, past her shoulders, though her smile was still the same.

“Hi,” Katya said, beaming at her as she put the phone down.

“Hello again,” Trixie said, smiling at the woman before her. “I just wanted to thank you, again, for the wedding. We just got the photos back and the flowers are the most beautiful thing.”

“Well, not the most beautiful thing,” Katya replied pointedly.

Trixie blushed and diverted her gaze before clearing her throat. “I was wondering, if, um,  you would like to come to ours for dinner tonight? As a thank you?”

The question had caught Katya off guard, and Trixie watched as she could practically see the cogs turning in the other woman’s head.

“Oh wow, I was definitely not expecting that. Sure, I would love to.”

There was those flips again, “Great! If you have a piece of paper I can scribble my address. It’s gonna be casual; nothing but me trying to pretend I’m an adult and can cook something other than grilled cheese. We were thinking 7-ish, but there’s no set time really, just come whenever you feel like, like I said it’s totally cas -”

“I’ll see you at 7,” Katya interjected, smiling as she handed over a post-it. Trixie sighed at her rambling, and scribbled her address before placing the note on the till.

“I’ll see you later,” Trixie replied, throwing a wave as she walked out the door.

\----

Trixie sat on the edge of her bed, _their_ bed, in her dress. A neon sign saying ‘MARRIED’ was bright in her mind. What was she doing? Inviting a woman she was attracted to to her home - to her husband’s home? She wasn’t a wife, she was no worse than a cheat. At least cheats were honest about their intentions, she was pretending to want a friendship to spend time with Katya. And her husband, her sweet, doting husband had unknowingly given her a free pass to do so.

The doorbell rang, and Trixie rubbed her head as she stood up to go and answer it. Willam’s voice filled the hallway and Trixie opened the bedroom door to find him hanging his jacket.

“Hey,” Willam said, thrusting a bottle of wine at her.

“Hi? What are you doing here?” Trixie asked, taking the bottle from him. She glanced at it; she hated red wine and the price sticker still on it. Typical Willam. Willam was a good friend to Christopher and while he was crude, he could be funny and occasionally was nice to be around.

“Chris told me your hot florist was coming, thought I’d come too,” he replied, smirking. Trixie rolled her eyes, swatting him on the shoulder as they moved into the living room.

“I don’t think she wants herpes, Will.”

“Hey! I denounce that. It was crabs,” Willam retorted, sitting down onto the couch.

“That’s - “

“Trixie, doorbell!” Christopher shouted from the kitchen. Trixie walked down the hallway, it was almost reminiscent of her wedding day, the way it seemed to get longer with every step. She opened the door, smiling at her guest.

“Hi again,” Katya said, coming in. She smelt amazing, floral, but not faux floral like perfume. It was like she’d been rolling around the flowers, bathing herself with the petals. “I brought wine, is white okay?”

Trixie nodded, “My favourite actually! Let me take your jacket.”

Katya was wearing a black blazer and a camisole, a muted grey with lace at the chest that looked silky and inviting to touch. The black jeans she wore gripped at her figure beautifully, and guilt settled in Trixie’s stomach as she watched Katya’s ass as she walked in front to the living room.

The meal was beautiful, cooking was not something that Trixie could do. While she could rustle up something simple, it had never been her strong point. It was too precise sometimes; too many measurements and timings. She could never keep track of time, was never one for following the guidelines.

The conversation flowed as endlessly as the drinks, and while not drunk, Trixie did feel slightly buzzed. She had learnt a lot about Katya in the few hours she had been there - she was 32 and had moved to New York when she was 25. She had a penchant for B-Movies and was fluent in Russian.

“So Katya, are you single? Married?” Christopher asked, taking a sip from his glass. Trixie inwardly cringed at the question, but still looked over at Katya expectantly.

“Actually, I’m gay. Gay and single,” she replied, miming a checklist in the air with her finger.

“Tell me more,” Willam interrupted, throwing an arm around the back of her chair.

“Willam -” Trixie started, rolling her eyes.

“No, no, I’m a lesbian too, I love women,” Willam leered, raising his eyebrows.

Katya laughed slightly, “And that’s my cue to go smoke. Mind if I use your balcony?”

Trixie shook her head, “No, go right ahead.”

Katya smiled as she stood up from the table, moving past Trixie, her intoxicating scent following her.

“Trix,” Christopher said, nudging her arm. “It’s freezing out there, maybe take her a cardigan?”

“Oh god, I forgot that. I’ll go now,” Trixie replied as she stood up and grabbed a cardigan off the clean laundry basket.

As soon as Trixie had opened the balcony door, it was like all heat in the house had escaped. The wind was bitter and biting at her exposed skin, the cold penetrating through the layers she wore. Katya had her arm slinked over the balcony, the other holding the cigarette. Trixie hated smoking, hated the smell, the look. But there was something almost elegant in the way Katya held it between her fingers, wisps of smoke ascending into the city air.

“Brought you a cardigan,” Trixie offered, holding it out.

Katya straightened up, “I’m not too bad actually, but thank you.”

“Bullshit. If I’m cold, so are you. Take it,” Trixie said, moving closer.

Katya sighed, though there was nothing behind it. “I will once I’ve finished, I don’t want to get ash on it.”

Trixie shrugged the statement off, and moved ever closer before putting the cardigan over both of Katya’s shoulders. They were close together, so close that Trixie could smell the stale stench of cigarette and feel the way Katya’s leg trembled ever so slightly. Her hands hadn’t moved from Katya’s shoulders, her fingers rubbing over the woven fabric.

“There,” Trixie whispered almost shakily. They looked at each other, the smoked swirled between them, like it was creating a barrier. The cold had been forgotten and all Trixie could feel was warmth.

“Thank you,” Katya whispered back. Trixie’s hands slid down Katya’s shoulders and rested on her arms, the skin cold and goose pimpled under her fingertips. They moved in closer, Katya’s eyes searched hers and Trixie’s heart beat wildly in her chest. “We should get back inside.”

Trixie gulped at the sudden change in tone. “Sure, we should, I think there’s still wine left.”

“Actually, I should take off. I have an early delivery tomorrow, I need to finalise things,” Katya said, stubbing the cigarette out on the wall and throwing it over the balcony.

“Oh, okay.”

“This has been fun though, thank you again. Say bye to Chris and Will for me, won’t you?” Katya asked, handing the cardigan back to Trixie and opening the door. Trixie blinked at the empty space suddenly in front of her and raising the cardigan to her nose, inhaled the scent before going back into the house.

It had been two weeks since Trixie had seen Katya last. She had told herself she wasn’t bothered, they had met on two occasions, both of them not particularly meaningful in the grand scheme of life. But that was a lie, she missed  Katya. And it was stupid, stupid and unfaithful of her to miss someone other than her husband. This was meant to have been the best few weeks of her life; wedded bliss, but her and Christopher barely spoke. The little in common they had was no longer enough to keep the conversation going.

Christopher was stressed with his job, and if Trixie was honest, she didn’t know why. She listened, listened in the same way you listen to a co-worker prattle on; in one ear and then out the other. And that wasn’t fair, to either of them.

Trixie looked down the list she held. _Apples, biscuits, chocolate, broccoli._ She grabbed a bag of apples, turning them before putting them in the basket that Christopher held. Grocery shopping was really the only time they properly spent as a couple. Of course they lived together, but they both done their own thing. And that would be fine, if it wasn’t all the time.

“Isn’t that Katya?” Christopher asked, pointing ahead of them. It was. It was Katya and a beautiful, statuesque blonde. Trixie’s heart plummeted to the deep confines of her chest; Katya’s speedy exit suddenly made sense. “Katya!”

Katya turned, half-waving as Christopher walked towards her and the blonde. “Hey Chris, fancy seeing you here.”

“I know, lucky us. How have you been? We haven’t seen you in a while,” Christopher commented.

“Oh yeah, super busy, I’m like a Duracell bunny on meth,” she joked. Trixie chuckled and watched the tall blonde nudge Katya in the ribs. “Oh! This is my friend Alaska.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” Alaska said, smiling.

“Hi, friend? So are you gay too?” Christopher asked. Trixie fought the urge to slap him around the head.

Alaska laughed, “Am I gay? I’m ecstatic!” Her voice was deep and syllables were unnecessarily drawn out. It was almost alluring if she had been with anyone else.

“No, I mean are you and Katya -?” Christopher trailed off.

Alaska shook her head, “Sadly not. I’ve been trying to get this babe into bed since we met but she’s fallen for someone else. It’s all very dramatic and romantic.”

Katya gaped at Alaska, her face flushed as she looked directly at Trixie. “We need to go find the… um, hummus. Come on Lasky.”

It was increasingly obvious to Trixie that Katya had been avoiding her. It had also been quite obvious to Christopher, who was persistent in pushing the two to spend time together.

“ _I just think it would be good for you_ ,” he said when she’d questioned it.

Trixie had disagreed, argued against it, but Christopher was set in his ways. It was one of the things that had drawn her to him; she was never good at making decisions, she wasn’t a stone, she was water, always moving to and fro. He had phoned Katya, explained that his job had given him two tickets to a musical but he was busy and couldn’t go.

Trixie loved musicals, loved the glitz and the glamour and the campiness of it all. She waited outside her house for Katya, nerves fluttering in her stomach. If she wasn’t married, this could have been considered a date.  It could still be considered that. It was a warm night, the air almost stifling with no breeze, and Trixie fussed with the collar of her denim jacket. She could make out a shadow in the distance, coming closer to her. Katya walked over, her hair down and wearing wire-rimmed glasses.

“I can’t see long distances,” Katya explained. Trixie nodded in understanding, putting her hands into her pockets as they walked together. They didn’t talk much, muted conversation here and there until they reached the venue.

Trixie showed the tickets to the vendor at the door, and they made their way to their seats. It wasn’t long before the lights went down, and the opening notes blared out and filled the theatre. Trixie moved her arm, placing it on the armrest next to Katya’s. Her eyes were on the stage as she felt Katya’s hand next to hers, a finger brushing against hers. In the dark she couldn’t see anything bar the contours of Katya’s face, but she could _feel_ Katya looking at her. Looking down at their touching hands, she looked back up.

It was exhilarating as Katya moved her hand onto Trixie’s, squeezing it gently before retreating. The air between them had suddenly grown cold as her hand sat there alone. They didn’t touch the rest of the night, though the tension between them had dissipated somewhat.

“Tell me about the tiger lily,” Trixie asked as they walked back.

Katya chuckled, “You don’t want to know about that. Ask me about the lotus.”

“Okay. What about the lotus.”

“It symbolises purity of the body.”

“You’re deflecting. Tell me about the tiger lily; it’s my favourite.”

Katya sighed, and they stopped under the streetlight outside her house. “It means “I dare you to love me.”

“Oh,” Trixie contemplated.

They didn’t speak as Trixie moved closer to Katya, a sudden surge of confidence rose in her. She moved her hand to Katya’s chin, the skin soft along the edge of her jaw and Trixie ran her finger across it. Katya looked to the ground, and Trixie swallowed as she edged closer, no further than a breath away from Katya’s lips. Katya’s hand moved to her hip, pressing down slightly as Trixie ghosted her lips over Katya’s. Trixie pressed her lips against Katya’s just once, before pulling back.

“I - “ Trixie started.

Katya shook her head. “I know.”

Trixie smiled sadly before unlocking her door. She didn’t look back as she walked into her house. This was wrong, so very, very wrong. So why did it feel right? Kissing Katya felt like something she should be doing all of the time. It was deceitful and stupid of her, but Trixie had never felt like that before, not even for Christopher.

She walked into the hallway, throwing her bag onto the floor as she moved to the living room.

Christopher was on the couch, a half bottle of whisky on the table next to an empty glass. “We need to talk.”

Trixie’s heart stopped; had he seen them? Dread filled every fibre of her as she sat down next to him on the couch, the cushion sagging under her weight.

“I’m going to ask you one question, and you’re going to answer me. Are you in love with Katya?”

Trixie’s mouth went dry at the question and she swallowed. “I don’t know.”

Christopher nodded and sighed. “I thought so. I thought I was maybe growing crazy - there was no way my wife, my wife, would be in love with a woman she barely knows. But the looks, there was a time you looked at me like that.”

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. Guilt flood through her. She had been so selfish, neglecting the man she had committed herself to; had vowed to be faithful to.

“Don’t. I should have seen it coming. I thought me loving you would have been enough, it should have been enough. It was for me.”

Tears burned at her eyes and she blinked them away, though they fell down her cheeks. “It used to be enough.”

He looked at her and smiled sadly. “Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know if we ever worked, just plodded along happily. And we both deserve more than just convenience. We never talk, we live in the same house and we barely talk. ”

Trixie nodded and exhaled shakily. “We had good times though, and I do and will always love you, Chris.”

He took her hands in his and smiled, his own eyes watering.”We did, like when you blew up the microwave by trying to cook tin foil.”

Trixie laughed, “I was trying to cook chicken that was wrapped in foil. How was I meant to know you aren’t meant to do that?”

They laughed together for the last time before Christopher took his hands away. “I’m gonna go to Will’s, drown my sorrows a little. Go get her, be more than convenient.”

“Thank you,” she replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek, her eyes closing. She would always love him, but he was right. She needed more than convenience, she needed love, she needed to take the risk and dare.

Trixie ran through the streets, passing the streetlights that seemed to spurn her on as her feet hit the ground. She ran round the corner with speed, her breath quickening as she got closer to her destination, the blurred colours getting closer.

She hammered on the door, the light was still on, and she hoped Katya was still there as Trixie didn’t know her address and this risk could not wait any longer.

“Katya!” she cried, her fist pounding against the glass. Katya came out of the room, still in her glasses, her face confused. She unlocked the door and Trixie barged in, closing it behind her.

“What -”

Trixie surged forward, kissing her hard on the mouth. Katya’s questions fell silent as their lips moved together, Katya moved one hand to Trixie’s neck, pulling her closer. Trixie felt light, like a weight had been lifted off her chest. This was the right decision, she could feel it with every touch of Katya’s lips against her own.

Katya pulled back first, her chest heaving. “What are you doing?”

“I’m accepting your dare,” Trixie answered, pulling Katya back to her.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
